Yester-year difficult, new year scarier

That is a picture of Ann with her cousins last year at the Rose Parade. My, what a year can do :( I can't be happy about this year. Things are pretty much in the same place. Ann is still in hospice and the thought of losing her is one of the most frightening things for me. I am not optimistic that this year will get better, I think it will be a lot worse. It is hard holding your head up moving to a new year. So many falls from the previous year just hold you back. Ann has had a rough couple of days, she doesn't have much of an appetite now and has considerably increase her sleeping. She doesn't seem as comfortable as she was a few days ago. A few moments ago she removed her NG tube from her nose. I now hold the task of putting it back in again, not looking forward to it. She seems a bit more uncomfortable with her surroundings and only wants her dad. It doesn't phase me a bit she wants him more then me at the moment, but it phases her, because he works and can't spend a considerable amount of time with her. Usually when he is with her I opt to go to hockey games, because he brings his gf over and they stay with Ann. It adds a whole other level of awkwardness with me, since I can careless about them, they just clearly piss me off as human beings. The current situation with Ann is that we decided for me to stay at his house (his parents house) for the time Ann is in hospice care. Their house is bigger and her dad gets to see her more often and help out with her more. It is hard carrying a 50lb child around, to shower or move around from room to room. We take turns so to speak. I take care of Ann the majority of the time, since I dont work or anything, but she is considered my full time job. So basically a new year is simply a change of a number to a calendar. My mind is still stuck in the same situations as last year. Maybe I hope to see my silver lining in the future who knows. As for now the main course is caring for Ann. Enuff of this.....and well Happy New Year to everyone out there. Today's main event is HOCKEY! The winter classic is the most anticipated match of the season thus far, and the neater part is that they are playing it outdoors. So go Caps, and Go Kings....a happy new year to them. xx