Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Chapter : Friends?!?
I thought about this blog a few days ago while driving. It hits me. This is the chapter in the book where I was warned that you will lose friendships, or contact with friends and such. The book I am talking about is something I received on the day we had a family conference, and where we got the exact diagnose for Ann. Its basically about brain and spine tumors. In a chapter I read something about how you may lose some friendships during the time, or may affect it in a way. I must say, yes. I've lost good contact with my co-workers and close work friends. Sometimes I think of it as space. We, as humans deserve some breathing air. At the start of the whole hospice situation with Ann, we got tons of visitors and tons of support. As usual, there are the ones that will stick with you and keep up with updates constantly, then there are the ones who check in periodically, and then there's the ones who cared at the start and no longer keep tabs. I think my friends are the ones who have kept me grounded through the whole ordeal, but now I am second guessing that. My family has been by far the greatest support. My family members (the Ambrosio's) are the ones who visit Ann, and we even have gatherings here or at their houses. I've learned to lean towards my family and their immense support. Also a couple of persons who have always, always, always asked about Ann has been Kathy Holding & Donna Holmes. Now Donna is like a mentor to me. Her daughter was diagnosed with the same tumor Ann has. Her daughter Maddie passed away a few years ago. Donna opened up her heart and arms to us. She has communicated with me through most of this journey and has not failed me. She knows what we've gone thorough, visits, chemo, radiation and knows a lot of great people at CHLA. She is a blessing. Kathy Holding was a co-worker of mine, who would still come to visit us at work and would always ask about Ann. Kathy & Donna go to the same church. So there is a link there, but they are 2 different people I met at different times in my life. Both of them are blessings. Their overwhelming support and help brings me to tears. Sometimes I ask myself how can I cope? Its hard. I don't have a significant other I can lean on and shed my tears on. I have nothing but myself. My life confident has been my cousin, whom I owe so much to. She is my age and we basically grew up together, sharing stories and secrets...and all that fun junk. She is the one I can really talk to and run to when the world has gone to shits for me. For her its tough to cope with my situation. She feels a little helpless because she just had a baby 2 months ago, and she wishes to be near me a little bit more, but its understandable. Ann is her goddaughter as well, so her heart weighs a little heavy with our situation. She was constantly there when Ann was hospitalized, and the first one who would offer anything if I were to need it. She's a toughie too, she visited Ann 24hrs prior to giving birth...scaring the crap out of me because I feared her water would burst while visiting her....kinda freaked me out, but she totally toughened it out. Never a dull moment with her. The Santos/Holguin family have also kept up with our situation via txt or twitter, they don't fail me. These are the people who are there for me and Ann...they don't abandon US! Other people who claim to be there if anything have pretty much failed me....including those who consider me their "best friend." I guess thats some kind of tag to make me feel better, but instead it disappoints. Their significant others are the ones who hold them back, and they have to run and hide everything from them. (That last couple of sentences are intended for ONE person, who knows very well) and........enough of that. The moral of this blog is, who are your true friends and support system? Even though Ann has been doing good under hospice care, it doesn't change the fact that SHE is under hospice care....and there is a clock ticking....and as much as I don't want to think about it, its something inevitable. BUT.....she is here with me, she is fighting this....and if miracles do exist, I hope I get to see her grow up.