My sweet Ann. She looked forward to her 5th birthday so much. Although in her fragile state, she would always gather the strength to show everyone with her tiny little fingers that she was going to turn 5. You would ask her how old she was and she would show you 4 fingers, but immediately she would put all 5 fingers up. As her birthday approached this year, the immense pain hit me like millions of daggers to the heart. I spent all day with Ann, at the cemetery this year. I sat there crying and holding a picture of her. It was by far another hard day in my life, one of the toughest. Instead of having a typical birthday party with my Ann, I found myself decorating her resting place with things she loved. Close family and friends came by and brought flowers and things she loved. We decorated it as if we were having a party. A party for two, just me and Ann most of the day. As the sun was coming down, our close family and friends came and we all sang her happy birthday. As they began to sing, I developed the biggest knot in my throat and the words to the song just wouldn't come out. It was as if the pain sunk deeper and deeper and they kept singing. It hurt more than words can express. The big void that she has left in me is hard to understand. As humans we're accustomed for our elders to pass away, but never ever a child. There is not a day that goes by that Ann is in my thought. So if you have a child, make sure you cherish those moments, and I mean CHERISH. It brings me some comfort to know that she is no longer a prisoner of her malignant brain tumor, but it kills me everyday not to have her by my side.
Lots of love to you, you're in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday Ann x