Intro Blog...

Internet world, what have you done to me. You have me writing a few things that I must let out.  First and foremost, I am going through one of the roughest and toughest time of my life. I am a single mother to a 4 year old who has a malignant brain tumor. She was diagnosed this year in May. After 6 months of treatment with 1 round of radiation and 2 rounds of chemo, the tumor is now resisting any kind of treatment, and my daughter is currently in hospice care. I left my job in late October to care for her full time. Nov 1st will always be one of the hardest days of my life, as we were told nothing could be done, and the tumor was aggressive. Sadly this tumor has no cure, and it cant be operated on. It is located in such a compromised location of the brain that it would affect any human function. This has been by far the most difficult war. A children's hospital is a place where your heart wears heavy. No one can imagine a child being sick. They are young and innocent children, pure and little angels, but diseases do strike them too, and sadly they have a tougher time dealing with many hospital aspects. Ann (my daughter) entered a hospital world, scared and confused, not knowing what was going on. As a parent you feel overwhelmed by all the things your child goes through. A parents goal is to protect them from harm. As Ann was diagnosed, I felt guilt. I felt like I didn't protect her from this tumor.  So much to take in as a parent, and as a single parent, its a bit worse. In between my childs diagnose, I suffered from heartache. So much to take in, with little understanding from the people that surrounded me. The majority of this year has been a blur. From hospital visits, to long hospitalizations, to drowning myself in sorrows. Its been a downward spiral. My salvation to my sanity has been hockey. Previously I was just an avid fan, but now I've become slightly more obsessed with the sport. I got a few things that keep me entertained, like cupcake and beer tasting, music (which is a big factor in my life) and comics. And like that I try to keep my mind busy to my cruel reality. If this is a part of my life, and if thats the way its mapped out for me, then I have no choice but to accept it. Every hurdle is a difficult task...but I must keep my head up and keep on truckin'.  anddddddddddd that pretty much it! Currently life situation: difficult!