To be, or not to be...
Fun disclosure: I wrote this during the months of July and August 2017.
Fun Fact: I never posted it ::Palm Face::
The year 2017. What a clusterfuck of a year so far. We are in the 8th month of this shit hole of a year. That's how I can summarize it so far.
You begin to test yourself, and the tests the universe has for you. Went to Italy, which is probably the most depressing trip I've ever had. My longest relationship ended, just like Obamas presidency. I lived on my own, and moved out. And now here I am, various cities away from the place I was left at. Picking up the pieces, but most importantly picking myself up from the ground up. So many details leading to all of this, that has tested me far more than I've wanted to. Yet, I am still here. This is the mess I've dealt with this year.
One could say that depression can be that friend you try to get rid of, but it comes back. That friend is like the black cloud that covers you the whole day. I've seen the darkest of clouds in recent months. Far from comprehension of it all. It was draining, and it still is at times. I tell myself that I've been through worse (and I have) but it feels like you are dying inside. Something unexplainable just comes over you, and all you do is get wrapped into it. It's a battle. Was I preppared to endure this battle? Nope. Did I ask for this battle? Nope. Somehow it was thrown at me, as if you are trying to stone someone to death. The battle was rough. I can't say I didn't contemplate death, because I did. But I had to dig myself out of this one.
Losing focus: I lost focus at work, yet I was performing at my very best too. I couldn't think straight for days end. Sleep was lost, and lots of it. I have yet to regain that, with my inconsistent work schedule and my late night brain thinking. It's like that Foo Fighters song says: It's a long road ahead. Like most of the things I like to focus on, music has been the best focus during this crap-tastic year. You live, you learn right Alanis? And I sure did. Many revealing things have come to light, which opens your perspective on how my life can potentially pan out. I'm not certain yet how things will go from here on out, but I think I know what I want out of myself the next couple of years. It's those crappy experiences that can mold you, and its not because you get some revealing news. Absolutely not. It's just putting every event that has occurred this year into perspective. I am not always one hundred percent certain of the things I do. It's all a learning experience if you ask me.
Moving on: New city, new roommate and maybe a new job. Personal life can go to shit, but hell I think I am progressing in other departments. To some, this may sound pathetic. To me, this is absolutely different. People expect for you to be this certain kind of person, and I'm glad I can change a few things about myself. Probably because I've had support from friends, who I am eternally grateful for. Experiences change you, believe it or not. For a moment there, I had this thing were I thought materialistic things would make me happy, but hell no. You cant cover the sun with a finger. Remind yourself, don't go batshit crazy buying crap over a failed relationship. NEVER DO IT.
So 2017 you sucked during this time, but only time can tell what will come in the future. So a big F U to these past months.
Fun Fact: I never posted it ::Palm Face::
The year 2017. What a clusterfuck of a year so far. We are in the 8th month of this shit hole of a year. That's how I can summarize it so far.
You begin to test yourself, and the tests the universe has for you. Went to Italy, which is probably the most depressing trip I've ever had. My longest relationship ended, just like Obamas presidency. I lived on my own, and moved out. And now here I am, various cities away from the place I was left at. Picking up the pieces, but most importantly picking myself up from the ground up. So many details leading to all of this, that has tested me far more than I've wanted to. Yet, I am still here. This is the mess I've dealt with this year.
One could say that depression can be that friend you try to get rid of, but it comes back. That friend is like the black cloud that covers you the whole day. I've seen the darkest of clouds in recent months. Far from comprehension of it all. It was draining, and it still is at times. I tell myself that I've been through worse (and I have) but it feels like you are dying inside. Something unexplainable just comes over you, and all you do is get wrapped into it. It's a battle. Was I preppared to endure this battle? Nope. Did I ask for this battle? Nope. Somehow it was thrown at me, as if you are trying to stone someone to death. The battle was rough. I can't say I didn't contemplate death, because I did. But I had to dig myself out of this one.
Losing focus: I lost focus at work, yet I was performing at my very best too. I couldn't think straight for days end. Sleep was lost, and lots of it. I have yet to regain that, with my inconsistent work schedule and my late night brain thinking. It's like that Foo Fighters song says: It's a long road ahead. Like most of the things I like to focus on, music has been the best focus during this crap-tastic year. You live, you learn right Alanis? And I sure did. Many revealing things have come to light, which opens your perspective on how my life can potentially pan out. I'm not certain yet how things will go from here on out, but I think I know what I want out of myself the next couple of years. It's those crappy experiences that can mold you, and its not because you get some revealing news. Absolutely not. It's just putting every event that has occurred this year into perspective. I am not always one hundred percent certain of the things I do. It's all a learning experience if you ask me.
Moving on: New city, new roommate and maybe a new job. Personal life can go to shit, but hell I think I am progressing in other departments. To some, this may sound pathetic. To me, this is absolutely different. People expect for you to be this certain kind of person, and I'm glad I can change a few things about myself. Probably because I've had support from friends, who I am eternally grateful for. Experiences change you, believe it or not. For a moment there, I had this thing were I thought materialistic things would make me happy, but hell no. You cant cover the sun with a finger. Remind yourself, don't go batshit crazy buying crap over a failed relationship. NEVER DO IT.
So 2017 you sucked during this time, but only time can tell what will come in the future. So a big F U to these past months.
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