The School Days I'll Never Know

Back to school. Kids dressed in new clothes, sporting out their new shoes, and their awesome new school supplies. The time of year where parents get some relief, and we all await for fall to arrive.

The other day as I was driving around my old elementary school, I thought to myself how would my daughter be? How she would dress? How excited she would be to start school? Who would her friends be? So many questions, yet there will be no answers. And as I drove by my old elementary school, I made way to the cemetery for my daily Ann visit.

My vision of her while I was driving put a smile on my face. Her hair would have been shoulder length. Straight, and thick dark brown hair. She was wearing a pink glittery headband. Oddly enough, I pictured her wearing a school uniform. White polo, navy blue shorts and her purple vans. Her large pink bag too. Just standing there, smiling, as if she was anxious to arrive at school.  The happy Ann that I always knew. My kiddo.

Seeing various family members, friends and acquaintances post pictures of their kids first day of school brought this out of me. Things that I could not do with my Ann. She only got to enjoy pre-school. But in my mind, I imagine her being a smart girl, because she was indeed a smart girl. What kind of child would remember her medications and hospital i.d number? Only my little one. Beyond that her intelligence was amazing.

But life took its course. That tumor took its course. It took the best thing in my life away from me. Simple. Memories is all I have. I envy all of those parents getting their kids ready for school. I really do. I can imagine myself going out and buying her so many things, waking up early, prepping her clothes, making breakfast, and doing the morning rush to get her in school in time. Yeah, I totally envy all of that.

So happy school year to you parents who get to enjoy the open houses, the grade cards, the student of the month awards, and most importantly you get to enjoy your children.

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