Happy dreams. Reality is cruel.
Dreams is something we do while we sleep. Sometimes we come across imaginable things. Sometimes we meet up with our loved ones that have passed on to a better life. This was my case on Monday. I had been ill all weekend dealing with a case of the summer flu. Feeling miserable and sick, I slept the majority of the days, but Monday was something different.
Heart racing, tears, and trouble breathing. That's how I awoke Monday morning. I dreamt with Ann. It was realistic. I hugged her, held her hand, she asked for her ipod. Something so normal, yet it was only in a dream. The dream itself was bizarre. This had only been my 3rd dream with Ann since her passing 16 months ago. The previous two dreams I found myself in her hospital room, keeping vigil at her bedside during her last days. Those two dreams are like a dent in my memory. I can recall her last days of life, and for them to just come about in dreams and remind me what I already know and been through just bring me down.
The realistic dream with Ann...
I found myself at a cemetery. Not the one where she is buried at, but at some cemetery that was open at night. I think I was there to visit Ann and there was some kind of a burial above Ann's grave, and I was scared to go because there was a lot of people around. Suddenly I felt more scared, and thought about the spirits, thinking they were going to get me and somehow Ann walked towards me. Her hair was straight dark brown, short shoulder length with a headband on. She was wearing her purple Paul Frank sweater. The first words out of her mouth were "I don't like this spot, take me home with you." I grabbed her hand and we walked together, hand in hand towards my car.Sat her in the car and she immediately asked for her ipod. I just gave it to her, and remember she was playing with her ipod touch and I just hugged her. I could smell her, feel her hair on my cheek and her small hands just moving playing with that silly ipod. I sat next to her in the car, somehow we were having a conversation about Lady Gaga or something and I awoke. Dream over. Reality came into perspective and she was gone out of my arms again.
Reality sucks...
Waking up with a fever, tears in my eyes and my heart racing, I found myself pacing back and forth with tears and crying uncontrollably. Within minutes I decided to leave my house, wearing nothing but my pj's and driving off to the cemetery. As I drove I couldn't stop crying. It's the fact that for a moment she was with me, and to wake up alone and feeling that empty void, it just kills me. It set the mood for my depressing sad Monday. Arriving at the cemetery, I just sat by her grave and cried some more. I talked to the wind, and I tried talking to her. Nothing could console me at all. I cried a river.
At the end of this blog, all I can think of is Ann, and a good Metric song. And to end this I quote them:
"All the unknown, dying or dead
Keep showing up in my dreams
They stand at the end of my bed"
Heart racing, tears, and trouble breathing. That's how I awoke Monday morning. I dreamt with Ann. It was realistic. I hugged her, held her hand, she asked for her ipod. Something so normal, yet it was only in a dream. The dream itself was bizarre. This had only been my 3rd dream with Ann since her passing 16 months ago. The previous two dreams I found myself in her hospital room, keeping vigil at her bedside during her last days. Those two dreams are like a dent in my memory. I can recall her last days of life, and for them to just come about in dreams and remind me what I already know and been through just bring me down.
The realistic dream with Ann...
I found myself at a cemetery. Not the one where she is buried at, but at some cemetery that was open at night. I think I was there to visit Ann and there was some kind of a burial above Ann's grave, and I was scared to go because there was a lot of people around. Suddenly I felt more scared, and thought about the spirits, thinking they were going to get me and somehow Ann walked towards me. Her hair was straight dark brown, short shoulder length with a headband on. She was wearing her purple Paul Frank sweater. The first words out of her mouth were "I don't like this spot, take me home with you." I grabbed her hand and we walked together, hand in hand towards my car.Sat her in the car and she immediately asked for her ipod. I just gave it to her, and remember she was playing with her ipod touch and I just hugged her. I could smell her, feel her hair on my cheek and her small hands just moving playing with that silly ipod. I sat next to her in the car, somehow we were having a conversation about Lady Gaga or something and I awoke. Dream over. Reality came into perspective and she was gone out of my arms again.
Reality sucks...
Waking up with a fever, tears in my eyes and my heart racing, I found myself pacing back and forth with tears and crying uncontrollably. Within minutes I decided to leave my house, wearing nothing but my pj's and driving off to the cemetery. As I drove I couldn't stop crying. It's the fact that for a moment she was with me, and to wake up alone and feeling that empty void, it just kills me. It set the mood for my depressing sad Monday. Arriving at the cemetery, I just sat by her grave and cried some more. I talked to the wind, and I tried talking to her. Nothing could console me at all. I cried a river.
At the end of this blog, all I can think of is Ann, and a good Metric song. And to end this I quote them:
"All the unknown, dying or dead
Keep showing up in my dreams
They stand at the end of my bed"
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